DOORWAY INTO MOTHERHOOD

PERMISSION TO FEEL

There was no answer outside myself that would get me approval from an adult anymore, a grade in school, or correct answer to the question I was asking. It was the beginning of trusting myself, my own thoughts and feelings, to not look outside myself anymore.

If some aspect of life didn't feel settled, or an issue seemed to keep surfacing, I began to follow it. For me this began with emotions, slowly giving myself permission to feel, and asking myself what in fact I was feeling about a particular situation, interaction or event. What was curious to me was when I started to name a feeling, I discovered I had a limited vocabulary for my emotional world. I could easily identify ‘happy, sad, angry, frustrated’, but that struck me as somewhat limited and restricted. I was able to notice an internal state, yet few words to give those states a name, and then when I did use the ones available to me they seemed imprecise. At this point I picked up the book ‘Permission To Feel’ by Professor Marc Brackett. I devoured it, and the Mood Meter I still use today, opening the app, focusing on the area of emotional state and then deciding which expression best fits my feeling at that time.

Uncovering emotional vocabulary may not be a piece that’s commonplace across personal lives, schooling and beyond, but should it not have a place in becoming part of the landscape of our interactions? More Than that, the potential to address the rising pressures on families, communities, along with financial impacts on healthcare, education and working environments, with mental health being a leading cause of economic costs globally. To talk about emotions can sometimes run the risk of being described as ”thinking too much”, as if feelings get in the way of doing, of ‘getting on with it’. Can the two not coexist? Can we not be given permission to think or talk about our own inner space, whilst at the same time supported to reach our hopes for ourselves, and carry on with the daily activities of our families?

I speak for myself when I say I can both express to be having a tough day, week or month, and still show up for myself and my family, in the best way I know how. I know many people that can, emotions are communication, are we listening?

NOTES

Brackett, M. (2019). Permission to feel: unlocking the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and society thrive. Celadon Books. New York.